Blink Of An Eye

Your task is not to seek love, but to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it – Rumi

Sometimes people walk into your life and life changes not by a degree or two or five but by many degrees setting life upon a trajectory unimagined, undreamed of in the instant before the fated intersection.

Sometimes people walk into your life and the reds become more vibrant, the blues deepen, colors never before seen dance before eyes as jeweled hummingbirds flit amongst flowers casting diamonds caught from the sun.

Sometimes people walk into the room and unleash a ray of light on a heart mired in shadow, unleash a ray of light scattering the accursed demons that kept love in check, the accursed demons that fed on the fear of being hurt.

Sometimes people walk into your life igniting a cold sun that strikes darkness from a soul worn weary by deception and intrigue and, cruelest of all, betrayal, strikes coldness from a soul devoid of joy.

Sometimes someone walks into your life and in the instant it takes an eye to blink a year has passed, a year filled with happiness and discovery and wonder and, where future fields once lay fetid, where parched future once aggrieved the spirit dreams blossom promising beauty, dreams blossom with promise of a future shared, a future entered by hearts intertwined

Personal Values

The world is full of people that have stopped listening to themselves or have listened only their neighbors to learn what they ought to do, how they ought to behave, and what the values are they should be living for. ~Joseph Campbell

I underwent an exercise this week. Not a physical exercise as I have been struggling with bronchitis and physical exercise, under the haze of bronchitis, ends in fits of spasmodic coughing. No, this week I underwent an arduous mental exercise, an exercise that required me to dig deep and probe the inner sanctum of my being. This desire to dig deep sprung from a combination of my last blog, Heart of Listening, a video of a Harvard professor discussing the importance of values in the leadership arena, and my tendency to try and understand that which really makes me tick.

This week, the exercise I undertook, was to identify my top 3 business values, those things in my work world that I simply will not comprise upon as my life intersects with the lives of my direct reports and other people I encounter in the business world. I found a list of common values on line and started the process of identifying those that fit with me personal philosophy of Servant Leadership.

This wasn't an easy process for there were many values on the list that I found personally intriguing, many values that, while close, did not capture the essence of how I view the world. An example is the value of "Cultural Sensitivity". I am very interested in learning about and working with other cultures as I believe, the diversity of views can bring a unique solution to a problem space. But, being culturally sensitive does not fully capture the value I espouse because, to me, it is a superficial understanding of another point of view. I want a much deeper understanding. I changed the value to "Cultural Integration" but, while in my mind a deeper understanding than sensitivity, it still did not capture my desire to be fluent in other cultures. 

My desire to be fluent led me to the phrase "Cultural Fluency" which accurately captures the depth of my desire to connect with people at the core of their cultures so I can understand what truly makes them tick. This felt much better but I got to thinking that there might be another value that is the basis for my desire to be culturally fluent. This led me to a more encompassing value of "Respect for Others". If I have respect for others then I will naturally try and understand the world as they understand the world.

I went though this painstaking mind exercise until I was able to settle on my top three business values each containing four sub values that further refine my vision of my personal values. The resultant value set is:

Integrity (Honesty, Openness, Trust, Candor)

Integrity means making the correct choice between the harder right or the easier wrong. It means making that right choice no matter what your boss thinks, no matter what your peers think, no matter if you will lose your job. Integrity encompasses adherence to ethics and morals. Integrity is something one either has or does not have. There is no middle ground for integrity. One slip up in being trustworthy and the chance of someone trusting in you again is unlikely to happen. One can't tell the truth most of the time and still be called an honest person for, once caught in a lie, words are forever tainted. Candor is honesty expressed with skill. People deserve candor, deserve to hear hard truths so they have a chance to adjust to the ever changing needs of the workplace. Hard truths are, by their very nature, difficult truths to hear. These difficult truths can be expressed with coldness or, if one has respect for others, with empathy and compassion.

Respect of Others (Concern for Others, Individuality, Connection, Cultural Fluency)

Life is all about people. Nothing happens in my business world irrespective of people. All decisions affect the lives of others in some way. My goal is to make those decisions with a concern for the people I manage and with a concern for anyone else affected by my decisions. It is my goal to address a persons individuality by putting them in a position that will both make optimal utilization of their skills and include work they find interesting. My work includes working with people of diverse cultures from around the world. Working with them means understanding their unique point of view. To understand this, I attempt to be much more than culturally aware. My goal is to be culturally fluent, to be able to move between cultures seamlessly enabling me to connect with people at a fundamental level. Cultural fluency requires that I continually grow.

Personal Growth (Commitment, Leadership, Knowledge, Maximum Utilization of Time)

One can never rest on one's laurels in the business world nor in one's personal world for that matter and sustain growth, sustain success. To rest on laurels is to quit, is to check out of life, to sit in the back seat and let an unknown driver determine your destination. I owe it to the people I manage to continually grow in my knowledge and my abilities as a leader allowing me to effectively propel them and the company into the future. I owe it to the people I manage to ensure they grow into the future as well. Sometimes this means pushing them out of their comfort zone. Personal growth does not happen by accident. I can't sit in front of the TV and expect to magically become a better manager, a better leader, a better anything. Personal growth REQUIRES discipline. It requires commitment of the precious resource of time, to carve out regular, inviolate time slots dedicated to the pursuit of growing my skills and abilities. It requires creating a personal vision for the future and crafting a plan to attain that vision.


I printed these value in big bold letters and posted them in my cubicle directly across from my desk such that my eyes see them whenever I look up. The are strategically placed such that my eyes fall upon them whenever someone sits across from me for a one on one meeting. They are placed there so I am constantly reminded of my values, so I am reminded of what I stand for in the event I would stray from my mission, so I am reminded daily what I stand for as a unique individual. I need this reminder for as Malcom X said:

If you don't stand for something you will fall for anything. ~Malcolm X

I am not willing to risk falling for anything when the future is waiting to be created.

Heart Listening

Listening is an attitude of the heart, a genuine desire to be with another which both attracts and heals. ~J. Isham

When was the last time someone took time out of their busy day to listen to you, took time out of their busy day to focus on you, took time out of their busy day and heard you, took time out of their busy day to dig past the words, to dig through  the facade, to dig deep into your heart and truly heard the feelings behind the words crying forth from your soul?

When was the last time someone listened to you so deeply you felt they distilled your words into the very essence of your were trying to communicate?

When is the last time you blessed another with deep listening? When is the last time you gave someone the gift of listening, not with your head, but with a fully opened, a fully engaged heart?

When is the last time your listening skills left the other person feeling important, feeling accepted, feeling valued, feeling understood?

The most basic of all human needs is the need to understand and be understood. The best way to understand people is to listen to them.  ~Ralph Nichols
                                           

I am guessing the answer to all the above questions is somewhere between quite a while and never, leaning heavily toward the never. Unfortunately, real listening has become rare in our society. It has become rare because true listening is all about the other person. It has become rare because people are more focused on being understood than understanding another.

To truly understand someone requires deep listening, heart listening. It means suppressing the ego that continually seeks it's own gratification in the way fire consumes wood. It means putting aside the incessant busyness that infects the human condition. It means closing the lap top, silencing the phone, turning off the TV, putting the music on pause, channeling the eyes, ears, mind, and heart, mostly the heart, on another human being to the exclusion of all else.

When is the last time you gifted someone with an open ear and lavished upon them an open heart? When is the last time you heart listened?

What Music Are You?

We all have our own music but there is no guarantee anyone will buy it. ~Unknown

Our lives are our music, everything we do, all our actions, all our words are notes in a symphony that plays out with every breath we take.  We have every right to play our own music, every right to dance to the drum beat we hear, every right to move as the rhythms of the music carry us, every right for our soul to express itself in the music we feel.

While we have every right to sing the words of our life song, there is no requirement that others enjoy the music they see as we walk down the street, that others even take the time to listen to our music.

And that is OK for not all tastes are alike nor are all tastes compatible. This is not a judgement on your music, not a judgement on you. It is simply a personal preference. A preference that has as much right to exist as does your right to be a unique musical style. It is this difference that makes each of us a unique song. It is this difference that embodies the grand diversity of each soul.

So, do me the courtesy of not judging me for the music I choose to listen to you in the same way I don't judge you by the music your life sings. I say, dance to your own music, revel in the music your soul sings to the world, continue to create the rhythms that define who you were, who you are, who you aspire to be. Just don't expect everyone to appreciate your symphony. It should be enough that the artist creates his own, is true to her own unique life song.

Book: 48 Laws of Power by Robert Greene

I am not interested in power for power's sake, but I'm interested in power that is moral, that is right and that is good. ~Martin Luther King, Jr.

The 48 Laws of Power by Robert Greene is the latest "leadership" book in my possession. The gist of the book is the acquisition of power by any means possible no matter how devious no matter who gets hurt. It is the acquisition of power which is then used to for the benefit of the self.

The only way I can take this book seriously would be if it is written as a joke. However, there is nothing to indicate anywhere in the text, including the preface that the author is genuinely teaching people as many ways as possible to enhance their personal level of power. I am currently on law 42 of the 48 laws. Were it not for my hope that somewhere in the final chapters the author would reveal this was written tongue in cheek, I could not see myself continue reading.

The entire text galls me, trashes my beliefs on leadership, makes me want to puke. I practice a form of leadership called Servant Leadership where power is not something to seek, rather, power is something one uses to serve the people the leader is privileged to be leading. 

Leader as Servant is quite the opposite of how society tends to view leaders which is typically someone in a command control role. It's the opposite of my temperament growing up where I, a first born male, generally viewed situations as being either my way or the wrong way. It took some major growth on my part to be able to lead by serving. Leader as Servant is also contrary to everything I have so far read in this book. For me, the book only has value only if is is read with a view of doing the direct opposite of what the text suggests. 

Personally, I cannot recommend this book under any circumstances. If you want to learn about leadership there are reams of books on the topic at the local book store. Do yourself a favor and read something by John Maxwell. In his work you will find many valuable insights into becoming the best leader you can be. 

I hesitate putting this book in my blog because it may be construed as an endorsement. Quite the opposite, I have blogged this book to let people know it's not worth their money or their time.

Take 'em With Me

Mentoring is a brain to pick, an ear to listen, and a push in the right direction. ~John C. Crosby




I was talking with my boss the other day regarding his position at the company. I found out he is on a delegation in the US for three years and, at the end of the three years, he may elect to stay in the US or he may elect to have a delegation to another country, or he may go back to Germany. Since he has been working in the US in my department, I have seen a marked improvement in the way the department is run. People are seeing a plan for their future, are experiencing a work environment where their skills and interests are being more closely aligned with the work they are assigned, are receiving the training necessary to ensure their skills are current and growing, the morale, which was low due to high pressure projects and a perceived lack of caring by the company, is changing in a positive direction.

I casually remarked that I didn't think I would want to continue working at the company if he was not running the show or, at least, running in my department. The change has been so positive, the thought of it reverting to a time before he came on board is a world in which I don't see myself thriving as I am under his tutelage. He looked at me and said that he would take me with wherever he went because he likes that way I think. I said thanks for it felt very good to be appreciated, felt very good that my contribution to the company is being recognized. The final thing he told me was that he thought I was doing a great job. I said thanks again. He said, I don't think you understand, this is a German that says you are doing a great job and that really means you are doing a really great job. The implication was that it was much higher praise than those same words coming from an American because Germans have a much higher standard on excellence.

As I reflect on that conversation, I can't help but smile. I don't recall, in my 27 years of professional life, anyone ever singling me out for such high praise, can't recall anyone even hinting that my work was so highly valued that they would take me with them as they worked their way up the corporate ladder. The appreciation of my talents had definitely infused me with a heightened desire to perform at a level nothing short of awesome.

This heightened level of motivation level is not based on an increased salary or promise of promotion or any tangible offer. It is based on appreciation of the uniqueness I bring to the organization, an appreciation of a manager that I have grown to admire, a manager who's method of leading people is one that I espouse to achieve myself. I can honestly say, I have never been happier in my work than I am right now. I find myself enjoying going to work, find myself looking forward to my 5:30 am alarm clock because it means I will be at the office by 6:30 am, at the office and doing what I do best, leading people.

As I ponder my job, I can pinpoint three individuals I work with that I would like to have on my team wherever I work, three individuals I believe are outstanding leaders, outstanding in what they do and would surely bring excellence into any endeavor they undertake, three individuals I would go out of my way to ensure we continue a working relationship and continue in friendship. The sad thing is, I have not told them of my admiration for them as people and workers, not told them valuable they are to the company and the high esteem they have in my eyes. This is a situation I must rectify when I go back to work on Monday. I am going to tell them that wherever I work, I would love to take them with me.

Book: The Last Coyote by Michael Connelly

No matter how busy you may think you are, you must find time for reading, or surrender yourself to self-chosen ignorance. ~Confucius

There was a time in my life when I was a mystery book aficionado. As a youth, I devoured The Hardy Boys series of mystery books, the tale of two teenage, crime solving brothers, Frank and Joe Hardy. I was engrossed in those books so much so that, once I started a story, the world around me ceased to exist and I would pretty much read nonstop, cover to cover.


Another series of mysteries I absolutely loved were the Jim Chee & Joe Leaphorn stories created by Tony Hillerman. I discovered the author via an interview on radio program by NPR (National Public Radio) when Tony, discussing his novels, said that he wrote these books primarily to give a depiction of the Navajo, a people he greatly admired. With each book Tony published, I found myself rushing to the store to buy these and, again, becoming immersed as I devoured the books cover to cover.

Over the years, my interest in mysteries has declined mostly because I found them to be to predictable. It became rare that I was not able to figure out 'who dun it?' well before the end of the story. This was a demotivator because I enjoy being surprised (after all it is a mystery), if not with each turn of the page, then definitely by the end of the book.

A friend recently recommended I read one of the Harry Bosch mysteries. Despite my reluctance, I decided to read one of the mysteries. I chose The Last Coyote because I have an affinity for coyotes, find them to be a symbol for fierce independence and surviving by craftiness, qualities I like to believe exist in me.

I was pleasantly surprised by the work.  The story kept me interested, the main character drew me in, and the story had enough plot twists such that, when the book was finished, I thought, I didn't see that coming. I read the book pretty much in two sittings. It would have been in one sitting but I had a family function to attend on Easter so, reluctantly, had to put the story on hold at the half way point for a day.

I already purchased another book in the series, the follow up to The Last Coyote. I can't wait to see how Harry's life progresses.