Cincuenta y Uno (51)

Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself. ~George Bernard Shaw


Today, I turned 51. If you were to ask me where I would be at a one plus a half century when I was 20 or 30 or even 40, I doubt the portrait I would have painted would depict my current life. I don't even know if life at 51 years old had even crossed the twisted trails of my imagination.

As an example of how my mindset has changed, at 20, I was young and foolish, some would say extremely foolish. It was a time in my life when I never wanted kids and was looking for a sweet girlfriend. By the time I hit 30, I was divorced and my 3 kids were the center of my universe. 40 rolled around to find me struggling with preteen and teenage children and helping them (an me) navigate the perils of life in elementary and middle schools. Now that I am 51, I have obtained a measure of wisdom, a wisdom still tinged by foolishness, my kids are grown and all have turned out to be quite awesome and I can't wait to see the ways in which their lives will unfold. Now that I am 51, I finally have that sweet girlfriend I dreamed about when I was 20.

At 51, I have a good life, a very good life, a happy life, a life that finds me satisfied with what I have achieved and, at the same time, with enough discontentedness to say I am not finished, I have not arrived at my final destination, I am not the person I will be or can be in the next day, next year, next decade. I believe life should be a continual striving to better ourselves, to become the best we can possibly be, to grow all of our days, to make learning a lifelong process, to always be driven by the insatiable curiosity.

In my early 40s, I learned about knives, the qualities of various steels used in blade making then bought blades for which I crafted custom handles of exotic woods, metals, bones, and animal horns. In my late 40s, I crafted the body of a 30 year old when I started mountain bike racing and began bodybuilding. I spent at least three days every week in the gym and started my annual goal of riding 1000 miles per year. This year I started a blog in which I continue to hone creative writing skills that were first forged when I was not yet 30.

As I have aged, I have developed a great fondness for international traveling, found great joy in learning about and experiencing other cultures. In May, I will be traveling to Turkey with that sweet girlfriend to explore an ancient land, to immerse myself, for the first time, in a culture that blends the mysterious East with the modern West. While there, we will visit the ancient ruins of Ephesus and walk in the footsteps of Paul the Apostle and will step our own feet in the Blue Mosque, a Moslem architectural wonder. Next year, we may go to the Philippines. If not there then somewhere else that will challenge my palate, somewhere else that will require me to learn words in an unknown tongue.

After that, the next year, the next decade who knows what page will turn in the saga that is my life, who knows what will be added to the portrait depicting the wild ride that began 51 years ago today, who knows what I will be or if I will still be.

I do know that, for the rest of my days, I will continue to grab opportunity by the horns and enjoy the wild ride, continue to sip bold wine, continue to partake of exotic fare, continue to push the bounds of what it means to be me. I do know that I will not be the same person I am today and that excites me for I quickly grow bored with routine. It excites me for I love reading the novel with many twists and turns, love reading the novel in which the next page cannot be predicted, love reading the novel that is the story of a life, love writing the novel in which the next page is blank and I am the author of my story and must adapt my story to every surprise, every peril, every opportunity that rounds the bend and comes my way.